At a loss for words...

Oh wait. Not that kind of tongue tied.

Last week when Z was crying, and thereby giving me a good look into his mouth, I noticed something that I think I had seen in passing but not really thought about, just assuming it was a normal baby thing. When Z cried his mouth looked like this:

This is not my child- photo from here

Turns out, he has ankyloglossia aka tongue-tie, which means his tongue is tethered down to the bottom of his mouth. The problem with that is it can make it basically impossible to breastfeed. I have to admit, I'm pretty frustrated that none of the lactation consultants I saw the first week of Z's life noticed this problem because it's very possible that it could have been corrected and we could have been breastfeeding this entire time and never needed to supplement with formula, but, what's done is done. Today we were able to take Z to an Ear Nose and Throat doctor who clipped the bit tethering down his tongue. It took about 45 seconds and he was happily sucking on his bottle immediately after with no apparent discomfort or angst. I am hoping this will mean an improvement in Z's eating and that we might be able to get a handle on breastfeeding. It's going to be a lot of work and, unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time to work with him before I have to go back to work but we'll do the best we can.

In other news, we've been able to coax a couple smiles out of our adorable boy and he is growing like a little weed. We have left newborn clothes behind us! He's engaging more and more with us, which I love, though it comes with a little added fussiness as he sleeps less during the day but still prefers being held to anything else. I think if I could wear him 24/7 he would be very content. Needy little monkey :) 

So everyone cross your fingers for Z and his newly free tongue, that they might have a long and happy life together full of ice cream cone licking and French kissing (when he's 30).

Bath Time or Torture. One or the other.

Z is meeting his grandparents Blum tomorrow so I thought we should bathe him. The past two days have been hot and humid, yet Z still wanted to be worn in the Moby wrap which left both of us sweaty and gross. Not to mention homeboy spit up during tummy time and rubbed his head in it before I realized what had happened. Yucks.

Z was dead asleep around the time we wanted to bathe him so I had a brilliant idea! Sure, it was time to eat but he was so sleepy, let's bathe him and then give him his bottle. Then he might get cranky during his bath but the bottle would soothe him. Great idea right? 

No. Maybe in theory, but not in the mind of our baby who seemed to believe that not only was this bath thing possibly going to kill him, but if it didn't he was definitely going to starve to death. The child screamed as I have never heard him scream before. Shrieks. Ear shattering shrieks. I anticipate the police will be showing up any time now to investigate the neighbor's reports of child abuse. Poor scooter. We snuggled him big time to make up for his trauma.

Baby's First Road Trip

Last weekend we took little scooter on his first big road trip. We packed up our little bundle and headed to Boston for our dear friend Tim's wedding. Parenting realizations include, but are not limited to:

1. Realizing that a baby needs approximately the same amount of stuff as both Joe and I put together for a one night trip, possibly more. 
2. The sorrow of a 4 week old when they don't understand why you are not picking them up out of their car seat when they cry.
3. The conflicting desires of hoping the baby will sleep in the car so they won't cry but hoping the baby won't sleep the whole time so you have a chance of sleep that night.

Sleep the sleep of 1000 martyrs

All in all, Z did really well. He didn't cry a lot overall, didn't make a peep during the ceremony and slept really well in the motel room. He also took the opportunity to put us, especially myself, through "Bodily Fluid Boot Camp" on Sunday, first during the Poop Apocalypse of 2013 in which Z explosively pooped not once, but twice during a diaper change, splattering poo everywhere (casualties included the changing pad, the bed spread, the floor and my jeans, arms, hands), and second, Z taught me to be more cautious about how I drape him over my shoulder when I burp him by spitting up down the back of my dress at the wedding. Huzzah! I feel like a real mom now :)

The moral of the story is I will never stand in the line of fire during a diaper change again. I no longer trust my baby. Oh sure, he may have just pooed three times in a row so you might think you are safe. OH NO! He is just lulling you into a false sense of security. Stand well back.

One Month!

My baby is one month old today! Hard to believe that it was a month ago that our lives completely changed. We're tired but I don't think either of us could imagine life without our little boy now that he's here. You're worth the sleepless nights buddy!

Biggest challenges - The feeding, oh, the feeding. Z-boy still doesn't nurse, not because he can't latch but because when he does, he just doesn't get enough. It's been the biggest challenge for me with all kinds of conflicting emotions - feeling like I failed him, feeling like he failed me, feeling like a bad mother. On the other hand, being grateful that I've been able to pump breastmilk for him and that I live in a time when that and formula are available for my baby. The silver lining I guess is that Z taking bottles means that he can be completely cared for by Joe just as well as by me. The downside is how much I need to pump right now to keep up with him even a little. I feel like I'm permanently attached to this pump and I'm starting to hate it.

Biggest joys - Z being so healthy and sweet. No excessive crying or medical woes and I know we are so blessed by that. Hearing him start to make adorable happy "goo" sounds and seeing him open his eyes and really see me for the first time. His tiny fingers and toes. Cuddling with him and seeing he and Joe snuggling on the couch. Seeing my husband be as amazing a father as I always thought he would be. Hearing Joe singing to him and Z's obvious love for his papa.

Biggest wow - you guys. Our friends and family who poured love and gifts on us and Z. It's completely overwhelming and filled those first two weeks of sleep deprivation, doctor's visits and stress with constant sunny spots as packages arrived for our little boy. It was very touching. Thank you!

Here are some pictures from his 1 month photo shoot. Joe took better ones, obviously, but I snapped a few while Joe was taking his.

Eyes that hold all the wisdom of the world

Do I know you?

Still bemused

You are soft. Hello Hansel bear.

Family Outings 1 and 2

We made a goal for ourselves before Z was born that we were going to make sure we got out of the house and did things so we wouldn't feel stir-crazy or depressed at the utter loss of our former lives. So far, we are doing well, though right now Z mostly sleeps so it's not that difficult to just take him somewhere while he sleeps in his carseat, none the wiser that he is not at home. But, still, we're establishing (we hope) a precedence.

Family Outing 1!

April 27 - To celebrate 1 week of our son we went and got self-serve frozen yogurt and took a stroller ride around Onondaga Lake. We got really ambitious on this trip, feeding and changing Z al fresca (via the parked car) and then proceeding to Babies R Us.

Family Outing 2!

May 4 - Z attended the annual Creek Float and promptly slept through the whole thing. Afterwards we got gelato, Z entertained two visitors and then rallied in the midst of a growth spurt eating binge to go to his papa's improv show that night. I would like to dedicate the improv show rallying to the infant swing and Z's new friend, Hansel bear, who seemingly has magical powers. Unfortunately, those magical powers did nothing to quell the ravenous beast we brought home who basically ate non-stop until around 3 AM when he gave us the reprieve of 3.5 hours of sleep before rousing again. Thank you, small baby.

What further adventures await us?! Oh, many things. Many things.

You Gotta Roll With It

So our little Z-boy has had eating issues from day 1. He came out with too rapid breathing and a lot of gunk in his tummy and lungs that had to be siphoned out. Ultimately he had to spend a few hours in the NICU and we missed that magical immediately post-birth breastfeeding time you hear so much about during your pregnancy. When he finally came downstairs with us, he didn't want to nurse at all. No one was worried until all nursing efforts for the first 24+ hours failed and then the lactation consultant advised us to give him formula.

This is where I've been learning to roll with things. I'd wanted to exclusively breastfeed but my baby wasn't eating. I had a lactation consultant or nurse in my hospital room at every feeding trying to get Z to latch and it just wasn't happening. My baby was crying and screaming every time he came to the breast and it was terrible. So, I pumped, Joe fed him formula and we tried to hang in there.

When my milk came in Z finally latched with shields and I thought we had turned the corner. Alas, no. Z sucks at sucking. (PUN INTENDED! HA!) His weight kept dropping in spite of trying to breastfeed every two hours, which meant we were having to take him to the pediatrician every two days to get checked. Finally, on Thursday, it came to the point where Z had lost nearly a pound and we were advised to give him formula again - 2 oz every 2 hours. Again, my breastfeeding dreams crashed around me and it was back to the pump wit' ye! I felt disappointed but the important thing was making sure our baby is healthy, so formula it was.

ANNNNNNNNNNNNND

SUCCESS!

After 2 days of formula feeding with a bit of bonus nursing, Z's weight shot up.

He is the champion! Woot!

So now we have been giving the doctor's blessing to see whatever works for us. Bottles? Breastmilk? Formula? Probably all of the above until we're sure Z is getting enough to eat and still gaining. Chubby cheeks win!

The Trickster Arrives - The Highlights!

Baby boy arrived on a snowy April day with zero signs of pre-labor. 8 lbs 12 oz, 21 1/2 inches and cute as a button! We love him! Looks just like his papa! Welcome little Z!

The Trickster Arrives - the detailed. quasi-graphic version

Friday, April 19th - As had been the way of things, there was no sign of an impending baby and Joe and I were settling in for the long haul aka possible overdue baby. We talked about if we wanted to go out to see a movie that night but decided to stay in since we were going to One Take Super 8 the next night to see the debut of the belly on the big screen. We told LB, no being born on April 20th, that's not an optimal day.

Saturday, April 20th - I awoke on the couch, which I'd been sleeping on more and more as my discomfort at night grew and got up to go to the bathroom for the millionth time that night, only this time I felt a gush of liquid and thought- "Seriously?" Yes. Seriously. LB had decided to defy us and be born on April 20th. At about 4 AM the Hollywood version of water breakage occurred and things got real. I started noticing repetitive back pains that came and went in intensity and that's when we knew things were underway. I labored at home for less than an hour before the contractions were coming so close together I felt like it was time to get to the hospital.

We waited in triage for about 45 minutes for a doctor to come check on us. Apparently we showed up right as several babies were being delivered so they had a hard time finding someone to check me. Since I'd only just started contractions, no one was really in much of a hurry to check me out but by the time they did I had rejected the bed and monitors and, when finally checked, fully dilated and ready to go.

Since I dilated so quickly, the doctor and nurse both thought our little baby was gonna pop right out but, our trickster fooled everyone by keeping his hands firmly by the side of his head the whole time and thereby impeding his exit. Two hours of pushing later, our baby was born and we found out the mystery we'd all been waiting for - it's a boy!

I've been advised by my sibling not to share our baby's name on this public blog, so on here we will just call him Z. He was 21 1/2 inches long, 8 lbs 12 oz and beautiful with his full head of hair. The moment I saw him I knew he was the little Joe baby I thought he was; he looked just like his papa's birth announcement picture. Unfortunately, Z had some trouble "transitioning" and after being monitored in my delivery room for awhile and having his stomach and lungs repeatedly suctioned out, he had to spend a couple hours up in the NICU. We're not sure but think that this contributed to his difficulties eating, which made for a tricky first week of life with lots of pumping, bottles, lactation specialists, formula, and finally some improvement. Not the ideal, but, our baby boy is healthy, perfect and adored. Thank you to everyone who has poured love over him and us these first weeks! It has meant so much to us.

People have asked, so I will share, but I want it to be clear that I do not advocate any delivery over another. Women should do what they feel is right for them and their body and should always be open to whatever changes may need to happen to deliver your baby safely. I ended up doing a drug free birth, partially by choice, partially because by the time I thought about asking them to add some painkillers to that *#^$ing IV drip I was so far removed into myself that I couldn't get coherent enough to discuss it. I did go in to my labor with the goal of going drug free for a variety of reasons that I'd be happy to discuss elsewhere as, like I said, I don't want to make any other mom's feel I'm judging or denouncing their labors.