One Month!

My baby is one month old today! Hard to believe that it was a month ago that our lives completely changed. We're tired but I don't think either of us could imagine life without our little boy now that he's here. You're worth the sleepless nights buddy!

Biggest challenges - The feeding, oh, the feeding. Z-boy still doesn't nurse, not because he can't latch but because when he does, he just doesn't get enough. It's been the biggest challenge for me with all kinds of conflicting emotions - feeling like I failed him, feeling like he failed me, feeling like a bad mother. On the other hand, being grateful that I've been able to pump breastmilk for him and that I live in a time when that and formula are available for my baby. The silver lining I guess is that Z taking bottles means that he can be completely cared for by Joe just as well as by me. The downside is how much I need to pump right now to keep up with him even a little. I feel like I'm permanently attached to this pump and I'm starting to hate it.

Biggest joys - Z being so healthy and sweet. No excessive crying or medical woes and I know we are so blessed by that. Hearing him start to make adorable happy "goo" sounds and seeing him open his eyes and really see me for the first time. His tiny fingers and toes. Cuddling with him and seeing he and Joe snuggling on the couch. Seeing my husband be as amazing a father as I always thought he would be. Hearing Joe singing to him and Z's obvious love for his papa.

Biggest wow - you guys. Our friends and family who poured love and gifts on us and Z. It's completely overwhelming and filled those first two weeks of sleep deprivation, doctor's visits and stress with constant sunny spots as packages arrived for our little boy. It was very touching. Thank you!

Here are some pictures from his 1 month photo shoot. Joe took better ones, obviously, but I snapped a few while Joe was taking his.

Eyes that hold all the wisdom of the world

Do I know you?

Still bemused

You are soft. Hello Hansel bear.