Crippling Panic is Fun

Being a new parent is really a ludicrous experience. You can read every book but nothing can really prepare you for having the actual human being right there in front of you. Some examples:

I knew babies poop. I did NOT know babies can explode poop ALL OVER. Like a 4 foot radius. Out of control.

I knew at some point Z would get sick and vomit. I did not know that my heart would stop beating when I took off his overnight diaper and it was bone dry and he was vomiting all over me. Am I thinking about being covered in vomit? No. I am thinking, "He's dehydrated!! What do I do? ER!? Could he die?!" Fortunately, I called his doctor first before rushing him to the hospital in panic. And the child was fine. We didn't even have to do pedialyte. The kid seriously was a-ok. I was not.

Last night we got to enjoy this some more when out of the blue Z woke up in the middle of the night completely hoarse with a cough that sounded like a barking seal. A barking seal people!! Now, I knew that someday Z might get croup and that croup sounds like a barking seal or dog but knowing that did not prepare me for how freaked out hearing that sound coming from my child made me. Or how uncertain and helpless I felt, sitting in a steamy bathroom, trying to will away that terrible cough. We were both (Joe and I) up all night to listen to his breathing with the eye-popping paranoia that only new parents can have. And even though I felt pretty sure I had done all that could be done and Z was going to be fine, I didn't know. I needed to know. So off to the doctor with us, who told me I had done the right things and not to be shy about coming to them. But I felt very "new mom." Very. Some examples of my clearly nervous questioning:

"Will he bark again tonight? That sound is awful!"
"How concerned should I be right now? I don't know about croup."
"I'm sorry, he's my first, I have no idea what to do."

Fortunately our pediatrician is great and made me feel good and not stupid, but seriously, it must be easier with the next one, right? When you've seen the vomit, heard the barking, changed diapers with poop of every color before? Right?