The Ups and Downs of Toddler Mothering

This morning Z decided to wake up at 4:15 AM. No amount of rocking, singing, snuggling, ignoring, etc. would convince him to go back to sleep. Not only that, but he then stayed awake until 10 AM when he finally fell asleep... for 30 minutes. You other moms know that 30 minutes is barely enough time to heave a sigh of relief and start accomplishing things. Between 4:30 and 10 there was a lot of fussing, throwing breakfast on the floor, whining, screeching, inexplicable tantrums, and what appeared to be attempts at fusing our bodies together. He would not, could not, be physically separated from me or apparently something awful was going to happen. While changing his poopy diaper, he rolled over, crawled rapidly away, squatted, and started pooping again! ON THE CARPET! I was to the point that I was getting teary with frustration. Thoughts like, "Maybe having an only child might be the right choice for us because HOW am I ever going to handle this and another child!?" were running through my mind. Nothing made him happy. Nothing. I was at my wit's end.

After the 30 minute "nap" I decided the best idea was to just go about our day. I packed him up and went to Target to let him run free in the store while we picked up a few things. He had a ball. He ran around, giggling and laughing, playing hide and seek, taking tumbles. People smiled at us fondly or said hi to him as he toddled by. It was so fun. He was great in the store and we left feeling much more cheerful.

Lunch time!

When we got home he ate his lunch up like a little angel. No food throwing, no whining. We sang songs and played with toys. We went for a walk to the park and played on the playground. We went on the swings and sang "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." (His version went "geego, geego, gee gee") I carried sleepy-head home and he went down for his nap without a single squawk. We had a really wonderful afternoon.

This has been a big learning day. I try to tell myself over and over when things are rough that this will pass. The tantrums. The waking all night while sick. Not being able to communicate with him when he gets so upset. Some days can feel so hard.

This will pass. All of it. The frustrating parts and the glorious parts. The baby giggles will pass just as surely as the baby screeching. I need to treasure the wonderful times and think of them when Z is testing my last nerve.

I can do this. I'm doing okay, I think. I'm pretty sure I haven't ruined him yet.