Life is Very Confusing

I was in love with Jonathan Brandis in my early teen years.  I owned just about every single one of his movies (on VHS which means I can no longer bask in them. Sorrow.) including Sidekicks, a Karate Kid wannabe starring Chuck Norris and Mako as Mr. Miyagi Mr. Lee, Jonathan's wise, martial arts instructor. At one point Mr. Lee is dropping some wisdom on little Barry (Jonathan) and he says:

Mr. Lee: Do you find this.... confusing?
Barry: .....yes....
Mr. Lee: (exuberantly) Good! Life is very confusing.

Confusing. Unpredictable. Difficult.

This morning Z screamed, legitimately screamed bloody murder, the ENTIRE way to daycare. Why? I have no idea. When I asked him he babbled something about "mama, papa, mama" something so I guess he didn't want to be away from us today. Maybe? But really, who knows? He's still getting nebulizer treatments and he gets to watch TV while he's having his treatment and he was really mad when we turned it off to leave for daycare, so maybe that's really what he was upset about.

Confusing. Life is very confusing.

Friends, please pray for us, think of us, over the next few months. If you're a big news follower you might have seen a bit in the news about proposed budget cuts to the UW system. Right now everything is still very up in the air, but Joe and I attended a meeting held by the chancellor today and honestly, it doesn't look good. I always try to be really optimistic, that's just my life approach, but lay offs are going to happen, without a doubt, and it might encompass both of our jobs. Having only just moved here and the investment that was, this is a very stressful possibility that has been introduced into our lives. We feel that the wisest approach is to prepare for the worst while hoping for the best.

So, pray for us. That we'll stay encouraged and hopeful. That we will be united as a team and not take out the stress of this uncertainty on each other, as we married folk often do. That we won't let the worry steal our joy as we prepare to welcome Bebo. That we will be wise as we make plans for the future.

I still feel, even if the worst happens, we lose our jobs, and have to move again, that it was the right choice to move to Wisconsin. We both do. We've both gained work experience that will be invaluable if we find ourselves back on the job market and getting out of our environment has forced us to "grow up" as a couple in ways that I don't think we would have pursued otherwise. I believe we are where we should be right now.

However, it is hard to think that this might be such a small part of our lives. We really like this area, we were just starting to settle in and make some plans for our future here. We had no intention of leaving anytime soon. But, life is very confusing. Every step, every phase of life that we have experienced has brought something unique and special into our lives and we just have to trust that in a few years we will be able to look back and say the same about this.

I have to say, to be fair, we might be fine. Our dean has every intention of fighting to keep Joe's position, I've gotten nothing but positive feedback from my department head and my classes are core requirements. There is a decent chance that come Fall 2015 we will both still be gainfully employed. But, we have to face the facts that, in the end, our dean may not have a choice and cuts to the general education might nudge out the need for adjuncts since tenured or tenure track staff might be losing their other courses and taking on classes like mine to fill their course load requirements.  There's just no knowing right now. We'll learn more over the next couple of months.

It's weird for me to put this out here for the world to read, but I know that lots of our friends keep up with our lives via this blog and after thinking about it, I decided that I long for your support. Not necessarily emails or calls or whatever, but I know you all love us and will take a couple minutes every now and then to think of us and pray for us and give us that encouragement while we navigate this uncertainty.

Life is very confusing. And this is just one more bump in a road that will be filled with bumps, some worse than others. I am fully confident that Joe and I are able to navigate this bump and I am so thankful that we have time to prepare and plan, even though the waiting is killer.

Sorry this is so long. It breaks my own rule for blogging. Oh well. Thank you for reading, you glorious people.