Here are the complaints I would like to lodge against my adorable little Bear:
- Crappy napping. If Bear was hoping to drive me to the brink of insanity, the way to do it is to require an hour of nursing, dancing, shushing, swaying, rocking and then only sleep for 15 minutes. Lord, have mercy. Seriously.
- Rage against everything. Carrier. Car. Stroller. Rage, rage, rage.
- Slowest breastfeeding ever. 45 minutes every two hours. Z was not amused. Neither was I.
- Night sleep. Or lack thereof. He lulled me into a false sense of security with sleeping well the first two months and then KABLAM!
Because of the aforementioned items which made things like, oh, grocery shopping, making dinner, playing with the crabby toddler, not sitting in the rocking chair and nursing, extremely difficult without copious crying, I was starting to lose it. I'm sure that I've repressed a lot of difficult aspects of Z's babyhood, but I know one thing for certain. He loved the carrier and when he was fussy or tired I could just pop him in there and he would be out like a light. Bear offered no reprieve of this kind. The only thing that made him happy was nursing. Nursing forever. I tried a million (10-12) pacifiers. I tried a bottle. I tried every teething toy we own. Nope. He wanted me and only me. Substitutions not accepted.
I know some women really enjoy that aspect of breastfeeding, the whole baby relies on you 100% for life and whatnot. I don't. Like I said, I was starting to snap. I would feel legitimately angry when he would only nap for 15 minutes or nurse for an hour before bed. Then I would feel guilty for being angry at an infant. Z would be crying or begging me to play with him and that just compounded the feelings of guilt and frustration. I knew it was going to be hard adjustment to have two kids but I started thinking that something, anything had to change or I just couldn't keep this up. I started thinking about quitting breastfeeding to get some reprieve or leaving Bear to cry himself to sleep for naps.
Then, a magic moment. In a desperate middle of the night internet search, I ran across a post on troublesometots.com suggesting letting your crappy napper sleep in the swing. For some reason I had it in my head that Bear needing to be learning to sleep in his crib at this time and using any other sleep crutch would break him forever. The next day, I followed her suggestion and he napped for 4 hours that day (not consecutively). I told my parents I was just going to give up and let him have a sleep crutch. They, in nicer terms, told me that my generation and all our baby raising rules are insanity and that I needed to do whatever I could to get some rest and get Bear some rest. So that's what I started doing. Bear napped in his swing during the day and slept in his bed at night with a vibration unit to help settle him. I actually got some uninterrupted time with Z every day. I started to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
After that, it seemed like Bear suddenly turned a corner. My BFF Shana claims that God saw I was about to lose it and arranged this reprieve, which is entirely possible. Bear cried less in the car. Bear would fall asleep and nap in the carrier if we had to be out when he was tired. Bear went for a ride in the stroller and didn't scream. Bear started nursing for only 20-30 minutes!!!! Sometimes as little as 15! He started napping on something resembling a schedule and then finally started waking less frequently at night. He's still up more than I would like, but progress is progress.
My baby is growing up and I'm thankful and sad at the same time. It's always bittersweet to see my babies growing, even though I love watching them learn and grow and discover who they are. However, in this case it's a lot more sweet than bitter because seriously, I don't really like the newborn stage and I'm thankful we've made it through the first three months. Onward!
Because of the aforementioned items which made things like, oh, grocery shopping, making dinner, playing with the crabby toddler, not sitting in the rocking chair and nursing, extremely difficult without copious crying, I was starting to lose it. I'm sure that I've repressed a lot of difficult aspects of Z's babyhood, but I know one thing for certain. He loved the carrier and when he was fussy or tired I could just pop him in there and he would be out like a light. Bear offered no reprieve of this kind. The only thing that made him happy was nursing. Nursing forever. I tried a million (10-12) pacifiers. I tried a bottle. I tried every teething toy we own. Nope. He wanted me and only me. Substitutions not accepted.
I know some women really enjoy that aspect of breastfeeding, the whole baby relies on you 100% for life and whatnot. I don't. Like I said, I was starting to snap. I would feel legitimately angry when he would only nap for 15 minutes or nurse for an hour before bed. Then I would feel guilty for being angry at an infant. Z would be crying or begging me to play with him and that just compounded the feelings of guilt and frustration. I knew it was going to be hard adjustment to have two kids but I started thinking that something, anything had to change or I just couldn't keep this up. I started thinking about quitting breastfeeding to get some reprieve or leaving Bear to cry himself to sleep for naps.
Then, a magic moment. In a desperate middle of the night internet search, I ran across a post on troublesometots.com suggesting letting your crappy napper sleep in the swing. For some reason I had it in my head that Bear needing to be learning to sleep in his crib at this time and using any other sleep crutch would break him forever. The next day, I followed her suggestion and he napped for 4 hours that day (not consecutively). I told my parents I was just going to give up and let him have a sleep crutch. They, in nicer terms, told me that my generation and all our baby raising rules are insanity and that I needed to do whatever I could to get some rest and get Bear some rest. So that's what I started doing. Bear napped in his swing during the day and slept in his bed at night with a vibration unit to help settle him. I actually got some uninterrupted time with Z every day. I started to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
After that, it seemed like Bear suddenly turned a corner. My BFF Shana claims that God saw I was about to lose it and arranged this reprieve, which is entirely possible. Bear cried less in the car. Bear would fall asleep and nap in the carrier if we had to be out when he was tired. Bear went for a ride in the stroller and didn't scream. Bear started nursing for only 20-30 minutes!!!! Sometimes as little as 15! He started napping on something resembling a schedule and then finally started waking less frequently at night. He's still up more than I would like, but progress is progress.
My baby is growing up and I'm thankful and sad at the same time. It's always bittersweet to see my babies growing, even though I love watching them learn and grow and discover who they are. However, in this case it's a lot more sweet than bitter because seriously, I don't really like the newborn stage and I'm thankful we've made it through the first three months. Onward!
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