On the bright side, I didn't get hysterical.

Z has had a fever on and off since Sunday. It was pretty unimpressive Sunday, not very high and went away pretty quickly so we didn't think much of it. But, it wouldn't stay away. Every day it would pop up, go away, come back. He was pretty miserable in the mornings but then would seem to perk up in the afternoon. He had a cough, so I figured he had some sort of cold virus and I just kept waiting for it to pass.

I started to feel a little panicked Wednesday night when he woke up burning hot and I started second guessing my decision to "wait and see." Thursday, he woke up with a temp of 99.4 but ate a good breakfast and seemed okay, although unusually whiny and impatient, which had been par for the course the past few days, so I thought we were in the clear. But, when he woke up from his nap, his temperature had risen to 101.5 and I decided to call his practice's nurse line. Because of his cough, the nurse recommended I bring him in and I got an appointment for that afternoon.

When we got there, I was asked to have him wear this:

I started to feel a little scared again. But he was doing so well. Firstly, he actually left that mask on his face after some discussion. Then he let the nurse examine him without any crying (a first!). She gave me the gently grave face and told me his O2 stats were low and the fear ratcheted up one more notch. 

Z kept up the great behavior. His regular pediatrician had left the practice, so we were seeing someone new but I guess he liked her because he let her check him out with minimal crying. I was so proud of him, but my relief was short lived when she sent us to get a chest x-ray. 

Guys, I had a remarkably healthy childhood. I did used to get bronchitis a lot and I feel like I had more than my fair share of strep throat, but I never needed stitches, broke a bone, needed an x-ray, etc. My medical care during pregnancy probably equates to my medical care for about... all of my life. All of this to say I don't have a ton of comfort or experience with the medical world, so when they tell me my baby needs a chest x-ray, I freak out on the inside. 

While we waited our turn I thought to myself, I guess I'll need like a vest or something to protect Bebo. Nope. I wasn't allowed in the room, which I'm sure was the right and good thing to do, but it didn't really help me feel better while I stood outside listening to my child scream for me while I could do nothing. Horrible. Horrible moment. On the bright side, I didn't get hysterical. I started to cry but managed to pull myself together because I didn't want him to see me crying when he came out and be more upset. 

He clung to me like a little monkey when he got out, but he did really, really well the rest of our visit while the doctor completely blew me away with a diagnosis of pneumonia. Pneumonia?! WHAT?! How!?!?! After sinking into the depths of mommy guilt and despair for a few minutes (I'm the worst mother ever! I should have brought him in days ago!!) I pulled myself together and we got chocolate frozen custard while we waited for the pharmacy to fill his prescription.  Seeing his big ol' smile and hearing the "yumyumyum" while he scarfed down his custard made me feel better. He surely deserved a treat after all that and I felt so proud of him. He's growing up, for reals, and I'm proud and nostalgic all at the same time. 

It's been a long week but I'm really thankful it happened this week and not the first week of classes next week. However, I feel exhausted and fully intend to be in my bed at 8 PM tonight.