We're both learning

I was really humbled by my 2 year old today.

We went to preschool open gym this morning, as we do every Tuesday morning. The first half, Z was playing happily by himself so well that I got out a blanket for Bear to lay on and get out some wiggles instead of doing my usual and wearing him in the carrier. All was well...

until Z suddenly started getting upset. He started coming over to me and kicking, hitting or headbutting me and I could not figure out why for the life of me. I felt like he had something in his head because he was making eye contact with me and not smiling or getting angry. It was odd. I thought maybe he was getting hungry and it was just about snack time so I figured he would settle down then. Meanwhile Bear was getting fussy so I thought we could sit down for the snack and story time and Bear could nurse while Z ate. This... did not go well. Bear was nursing, Z started redoubling his assault. I felt even more confused because this is a kid that does not say no to snack. He wouldn't sit down, he wouldn't eat, he wouldn't calm down. He wasn't screaming or crying, he was just attacking me. I couldn't really nurse Bear well, Bear then spit up all over me, and that was it. I put Bear in the carrier, Z in the stroller and left early.

I was frustrated and angry that he was acting out and I'd had to leave during the quiet snack and story time when our early departure would be noted by all. I could feel the stares and imagine the conversations some of the ladies would have: "She's been having a rough time with him lately... She's really got her hands full... She should try [     ]... If it were my son..."

I should have seen the signs, but I was too busy being worried about what the other parents were thinking about me.

Z had yawned before we even left. He'd resisted running around with me. When I whispered, "If you don't cut it out, we're going home," he redoubled his efforts instead of crying or stopping. He didn't want to eat. He tried to lay his head on my lap when I was nursing Bear. He didn't cry when I pulled him over to the stroller. He didn't protest when I hauled him out of there early.

The kid was tired! Exhausted! He fell asleep the second we got home just before 10:30 and slept for three hours. He usually doesn't nap until noon so I just didn't even think that he would be so tired. He'd slept well last night. I had no idea.

I felt so badly when I realized that he'd basically been begging me to take him home, he just didn't know how to tell me because he doesn't have the words yet. I'd told him that if he kept kicking I was going to take him home and he wanted to go home so he kept kicking. Makes sense. He was frustrated and tired. If I'd been paying attention, I would have realized that. If I wasn't so concerned with needing to be there the whole time. 

I'm realizing that I need to try to be more focused on my sons' needs, not what I think we should be doing. They are little guys. They get tired and hungry. It's more important to make sure they are rested and comfortable, not going to all these things and events all the time. I am their mommy, not their social director.

I'm learning y'all.