Take Two

You may remember when I said that I wasn't going to be working in the fall. I was nervous about staying home full time with two kids and upset about losing my job. Then the call came from my department head and miraculously I ended up with two classes, daycare worked out, it was great!

Then the fall came.

I've been struggling. I have had twice the number of students and am teaching a new class, which is always harder. Also, I have almost no time to work while I'm on campus. In previous semesters I taught class in the morning and then stayed on campus and worked until I picked Z up at 3. This semester I leave directly after class and pick up the boys. Not really having any time to do my work at work has meant that all of my grading and prep time has to happen at home. That is really tough because there are about 1 million other things that also have to happen during those precious hours my kids are sleeping and trying to grade while they are awake is basically impossible. If I'm lucky, maybe they nap at the same time for 1-2 hours. If all goes well, they are in bed by 7:30/8, which gives me another 2 hours. Except that I also need to clean, make dinner, do laundry, have a relationship with my spouse, rest my brain, eat, shower, use the bathroom, talk to friends and family, return emails, etc. I've been managing, but just barely. I seriously think working full time was easier than this last semester has been. 

Therefore, when my department head sorrowfully told me that he didn't have any classes for me in the spring, but would have classes available in the fall I felt... relieved. RELIEVED. This has been so hard and even though I am still going to fulfill my compulsion to do something with a few other projects, I am grateful that I can have this moment to breathe and focus on my kids. I'm glad I'll be able to savor the last bit of Bear's babyhood and I think the consistency of being home with me is going to be helpful for Z as we continue with speech therapy. 

Now, this is not to say that I think staying home full time is going to be a picnic. I know enough from the last summer that spending my whole day with two littles is not always an easy task. However, I am going to be thankful for this season of life. It's going to be brief and I think that knowledge gives me a different perspective than if it was more ambiguous. At this point in time, I fully intend to return to UWRF in the fall semester, so that means I know there's an end date for spending my whole day surrounded by littles. Also, I know more people in my mom's group now, so I don't feel as anxious about not getting adult interaction. I'll just start randomly inviting myself over for playdates at my friend Katie's house (that's cool, right Katie?).

It's also not to say that I haven't enjoyed my classes. I have! I've really enjoyed teaching English 100, just with an infant and a toddler at home, it's been really challenging to keep up.

Disclaimer: Things can always change, but this is the plan for now.