11 months!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I can't believe my baby is 11 months old. This is it guys. He's going to be 1 so soon and I'm not ready for it. Not at all. It's gone so fast and so slow that I don't really know what to do with myself. I have a feeling I'm going to feel this way for the rest of my life.

The GOOD!
Z's dearest wishes finally came true and he is mobile. Extremely so. He can cruise all around the furniture, moving from one piece to another on his own, likes to walk holding our hands, crawls anywhere he wants to go on any surface, pulls up (or tries to) on anything he can get his fat baby hands on... basically he does what he wants. It's his world and we're just living in it.

We are forging fearlessly ahead with table food, which makes sense since he cut two more teeth this last month, bringing the grand total to 8. I feel pretty certain that numbers 9-11 (where is 12?) are right behind them. He still loves sweet potatoes and yogurt (separate and together) the most, but has expanded his horizons to eating pretty much anything we are eating. Fish, veggies, chili, bean soups, grilled cheese, and pizza have all made their way into his little belly. Some days he will only eat food he can feed himself with his own hands but one never knows when those days might arrive. Keeps us on our toes.











He's getting a little better at using a sippy cup but still prefers his bottle. In fact, he's gotten a little obsessed with his bottle lately, but I think that might be due to the massive teething effort he is currently undertaking (see below). He is almost always a solo bottle eater now, but every now and then wants to snuggle and have us hold the bottle for him. Mama doesn't mind since I feel like my snuggling days are coming to an end.






The BAD!
We've got all manner of bumps and bruises going on. Z has face planted into the hardwood floor more times than I can count, toppled over when trying to furniture hop, attempted to fling himself wildly after a toy... the child is a little crazy. He tends toward the dramatic, weeping hysterically whenever a bump occurs, which makes his mama very sad.
He also has had ups and downs with his sleeping - sometimes all night, sometimes up twice. He had a 3 day stretch where he though it was appropriate to wake up 1 AM and then party until 3-4 AM. That was not fun. He thought it was fun. I did not. It looks like we're over that hump now, thank God. My best guess is that all of the new skills were just way too fun for him to sleep since he would just cruise around his crib, sitting down and standing up over and over again while babbling loudly with absolutely no interest in any intervention from us.
He's gotten two more teeth (total - 8) and it looks like he's working on FOUR more. Four. The four "canines" is my best guess due to bumps and the ghost of white teeth under the surface. I guess it's good to get them out of the way but the little guy seemed pretty sad about it this week.

The AWESOME!



We just feel so thankful to have Z in our lives. He's such a cheerful, clever little guy. Watching him learn so many new things, seeing him know us more and more, hearing his new babbling and making him laugh are such glorious blessings. We love his toothy grin and his insatiable curiosity. It's amazing to think that a year ago we didn't have this little human and now he has completely rearranged our lives and we wouldn't trade it. We are heavily blessed.

10 months!!

This last month just flew by, I can not believe the little guy is 10 months old! YIKES!

Imperfect stats obtained via Mama measuring Z with a tape measure and Papa weighing himself without and then with Z:

Height: 30 inches
Weight: ~24 lbs
Eyes: Still blue! I can't get over it.
Hair: sandy blonde with a distinct mullet look. I think we need to get a haircut.

the Good.

"Stay very still while I gaze into your soul."

Z has finally mastered the art of locomotion. Months of rolling, squirming, screeching, crying, yelling and late-night practice sessions have finally come to fruition and he not only crawled for the first time just a few days shy of the 10 month mark, but started cruising with gusto and pulling up on us alllllll the time. He also pulled himself up to standing in his crib two days after 10 months so only the good Lord knows what plans this child has next. He's also learned some new sounds, most recently throwing "baby" into the mix though I doubt he knows what he is saying since he yells it out at moments that have nothing to do with babies.







Example:
"Let's put on your jacket!"
"Ba! BABA! Ah bababa baby!!"
I mean, I guess it's conceivable that he is saying something like, "Mom! MAMA! I am not a baby!" but I am skeptical.












The BAD!

learning to stand is emotional

Well, our sleeping schedule has been somewhat erratic as Z has met these new challenges in his life. It makes us sad but mostly he's okay and we know it's a phase we've just go to muscle through. Also, I feel like he has never ending colds but I think that's just the way of being a baby. Also, (he doesn't think this is bad, we do) he has been very screechy lately, which can be hard on the ears.

"Mama! Why do you torture me!?"

THE AWESOME!!

My favorite thing of this last month has been Z's love for books. He is very fond of being read to and has favorite books. As soon as you sit down with one he relaxes back against you and intently looks at the pages while you read to him. He even laughs at certain parts every time we read to him. A particular favorite is Little Blue Truck (Thank you Carvers!) and he squirms during the part where the dump truck knocks the blue truck out of the way and then gets stuck and then laughs at the end. Every time! It cracks me up and warms my heart that he's developing a love for books.

Another treasure- A gift from my mother

Below is an email exchange between myself and my mom. I don't know if anyone who hasn't experienced the same thing I did can really understand how terrible the breastfeeding experience was for me. I was so utterly defeated and upset. I felt betrayed by my body, my baby and my doctors when we found out about Z's tongue tie later that month. I still look back on it and feel just terrible. I worry sometimes about the next baby. But this email from my mom brought me to tears at the time and still makes me cry now. I was so grateful for her words and needed to know so badly that I was still a good mom even if I quit breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding is the worst

Sara Blum s****@gmail.com	5/17/13
to Marilyn

Hi Mom, 

So it's too late to call and tomorrow we're heading to Boston for Tim's wedding but I don't think I can try to nurse Zander anymore, it's just too terrible. Tonight he nursed, like actively was sucking, for at least 45 minutes and then pulled off after all that time and started screaming, like screeching at the top of his lungs. I had an ounce of formula in a bottle so I gave that to him and he was attacking the bottle like he had never been so hungry in his life, sucked down that ounce and then started screaming again, Oh, and before this he had stayed awake for almost 2 hours so he was all tired and cranky too. So he drank a second ounce of formula and then fell asleep, which I was relieved because I had been holding him for about 3 hours at this point and still needed to pump too and Joe had to work tonight because he's been taking a lot of freelance jobs. So then he slept maybe 10-15 minutes and woke up screaming again! And I thought he just needed to be soothed so I walked him around the block and he fell asleep but the second I put him down he was screaming again. So then I wondered, was he still hungry? Because normally he eats 3 ounces. So I offered him another ounce, he sucked that down and completely passed out the second he was done. So he ate basically nothing in all that time of nursing. No wonder he lost so much weight during that week we were only breastfeeding! He was probably barely eating. Now I feel like, is it even worth trying to nurse him? Is he really going to just pick it up one day and start productively sucking? Should I go see the lactation consultant again? I just don't know. But then after all that craziness Zander was all thrown off. He woke up again for his next feeding but I wasn't sure how much he would want to eat since the previous one was all weird and spaced out. I think now he's back and settled, he ate 2 ounces and has been sleeping for about an hour and 45 minutes. But that was just terrible.

I'll probably not call you guys until we get back from Boston. Please pray for our trip and that we have fun and it's not too stressful and that Zander does fine. I felt a little nervous about taking him there and exposing him to germs but I'm just not going to let anyone touch him I think. I'm probably going to wear him in the Moby wrap during the wedding so he'll be happy. Hopefully he will sleep okay in the hotel. 

Love, Sara

Marilyn Zeckoski m***@yahoo.com	5/18/13
to me

You have to do what works for you and Zander.  If breastfeeding isn't working then feed him from the bottle.  If you can pump and get enough milk for him then go for it.  If you can pump and supplement with formula then do that.  If pumping is taking too much time and you can't get the rest you need to be less stressed then quit breastfeeding.  That doesn't mean you are a  failure at breastfeeding.  You've tried your best.  Ultimately you should enjoy being with your baby.  Do whatever makes that happen.  If you are happy then Zander more than likely will be happy.  We love you and support you in whatever decision you make.  Breastfeeding is not the be all and end all of motherhood. Obviously you love your baby and want the best for him.  Do what works for you and Zander.
Mom

"Consider the wonders of the Lord." Job 37:14

Some treasures

The time just... never stops. 

I've been reminiscing a lot about this last year as we get closer to Z turning a year old. I'm planning to turn this blog into a book to save, so I've been wanting to do some posts of memories from the early days that I was just too tired to capture at the time. Those first few weeks with Z were so exhausting that I barely remember them. I went digging back in my email and found some treasures that really clearly explained how I felt at the time. Thank you for asking the right questions Sara #2. You made me record some feelings that are precious to me.

I'm feeling pretty good. Tired, of course, but recovering from labor pretty well. I had some tearing and stitches so I'm taking it easy as those heal. Not very comfortable, I can assure you, but not awful. It does seem a cruel trick of nature that you are so exhausted and in pain from labor and then you get this emotionally overwhelming and physically exhausting task of caring for a newborn. 

Labor, once the pushing started, was a little like being submerged in darkness waiting for the next wave to hit. I had my eyes closed the whole time and I was only aware of how badly I needed to push, the nurse coaching my breathing, Joe stroking my hair and telling me I was doing great and the pain, for, it does hurt to get that little sucker's head out of there. At one point I thought it was never going to happen and started to panic and cry and say, "I can't, I can't, it hurts" over and over. That was when I really needed Joe being there- he calmed me down and I kept going. The pushing is very hard physically but once I got over that hump I was determined. When his head finally cleared was the best feeling in the world and I didn't care anymore about anything else. He was all warm and soft and worth the effort. Of course, this was labor with no pain drugs at all, so who knows what a difference that could have made.  

How is everything been the last few weeks…more of the same, or calmer than you imagine? 

Neither. He changes every day, there are new challenges all the time. I can't believe it's only been 10 days since he was born. It feels both like time is flying and really slow.... 
Calm would def. not be a word I would choose. It's been hard; Z has had latching and eating issues since day 1 and hasn't gained any weight which has meant us taking him to the pediatrician nearly every other day to get checked. They don't know why he still isn't gaining and as of today we are to feed him formula so they can know his exact calorie intake. I can still breastfeed before we give him the bottle but if he hasn't gained anything by the next appointment with his formula regiment then we will have to have labwork done to see if he has a metabolic disorder that is hindering his digestion. I have somehow managed to not cry in front of the doctors but it's really discouraging when you've spent the last several days so committed to trying to get your baby to gain weight that you're nursing for at least 6 hours a day, if not more, and you are exhausted and then you find out your baby is still losing weight. 
This is probably very disjointed because I've been typing it in snippets over the past couple days, but that's a snapshot. We love Z beyond words, he is amazing and worth every poopy diaper, every second of pumping, everything, anything. 

An occurrence

Last night Zander got his foot stuck in his crib slats and screamed like someone was killing him. A few questions that ran through my mind at the time and the answers I have since found in the light of day:

1. How? His foot is encased in a sleep sack and he has the mesh bumpers to stop this very thing from occurring.
(A: He is an acrobatic sleeper who likes to fling his feet high up on the side of his crib)

2. Will this happen again?
(A: I hope not)

3. Who thought slats on cribs was a good idea?
(A: not me!)

4. How many years of my life were taken away being woken up like that?
(A: I'm guessing ~2)

9 months! Woot woot!

Out as long as he's been in!

Boy, do I love this kid.

The stats!
Weight - 23 lbs (80th %)
Height - 31 inches (95th %)

Yes, we are growing a giant. An adorable, adorable giant.

The GOOD!
Isn't it obvious? The child is adorable! No, okay, let's be serious you guys. We are sleeping! Wooooooot! Whilst Z still has not mastered the art of crawling, pretty sure because of the hardwood floors and the face plants that have occurred on them, but he can stand for awhile holding onto things, feed himself like a champ and babble lots and lots of sounds. We're loving it. We also started "swim class" this month, which is incredibly amusing. Watching the kids cracks me up and Z loves the water.

The baaaaaaad!
The croupy cough that scared me. Nasty runny nose! Gah! It's impossible to keep up with and he manages to wipe snot and boogers everywhere. When we were at the doctor's office for his appointment I thought his hair looked weird and brushed at it to realize that somehow, some way, he had wiped snot into his hair and it had dried there. It was a really proud moment for me as a mother.

The awesomest!
Geez, I don't even know. Just being parents to such a vibrant, interesting little soul. It can be challenging sometimes when we're tired but overall it's just an amazing experience and I am trying to soak in every second.

The only advice I ever want to give

Parenting is rife with advice. People are full of it whether asked or not. Advice, suggestions, commentary, etc. It's everywhere. Sometimes it's helpful, sometimes it's not. Now that I'm a mom, even I, a newbie, am being asked for advice. I'm happy to help in any way I can, moms gotta stick together. However, while I'm pleased to say which security blankie Z loves the most or how I handled post-partum hair loss, I really only have one piece of advice I would hope someone would follow:

Do what works for your family. Whatever is best for you, your spouse and your little sprouts is the best thing.

It's terribly difficult to be an adult, isn't it? To make huge decisions about jobs, money, cars, education, etc. It's scary and if there was a formula to follow that would make every human happy it would be SO much easier. But there isn't. What makes one person happy might make another miserable and what is acceptable for one might not be for another. It's easy to judge other people but I try very hard to see those judgments, take hold of them and label them as opinion. Because what do I know? I don't know the inner workings of their hearts and homes, just like they don't know mine.

It's been a hard lesson to learn and I'm still learning it, but I think it's a good one. You can't do what would make someone else happy and expect it to make you happy. Be brave. Chart your own path. Grab hold of your spouse's hand and face the world together fearlessly.

Maybe I'm young and naive, but I believe that a family built on love and faith in each other can not fail. I'm so thankful to have Joe on my team and for the life that we have and are still building. I look at our son and I'm overwhelmed with blessings. Life is sweet. Don't let other people make it sour.