During the time I've been pregnant with LB, Joe and I have each lost a grandmother. It's not something either of us have really talked a lot about or previously mentioned on facebook, but it's been a very sad, strange and profound experience for me in this stage of my life. In November, when my grandmother passed away, I felt particularly sad that she hadn't been able to live to see a picture of LB or know, even though she was often confused, that she was the baby's great grandma. For me, the baby became very much the idea of a new life replacing an old one and that thought comforted me. Now, just a few months later Joe's grandmother has passed away and once again I find myself wondering... in some way will these two women be a part of this baby?
It's also strange to think of how unaware of all of this LB is and will forever be. Sure, we'll tell LB about our grandmas and maybe about this time in our life but this is pre-LB life. S/he won't think of us as people with lives that existed before them for a very long time and that's fine, but I just wonder if some of the things that have happened while I've been carrying LB will somehow imprint themselves on him or her. I hope that the way Joe and I have depended and cared for each other when we've each faced our own times of family grief will build our ability to be good parents to this little one. I hope that LB will live as long, interesting and blessed lives as his/her great-grandmas did. I hope a lot of things for this little person who, I think, is currently stretched out luxuriously sleeping in a satisfied pudding coma (that's all we want these days. Pudding and graham crackers. We will not be denied).
I know logic says none of this will really impact LB. Genetics and blah blah cold, cruel science. But it's hard for me not to believe in a little bit of magic and think about how beautiful LB's new life will be in our families who have both suffered losses. So, stay happy, healthy and cozy in there little offspring, we're all really looking forward to getting to know you.
Dear Sara,
ReplyDeleteI know that LB will know his great grandmothers through the stories that you and Joe share with him/her. The love that you both had for them will carry on through you and Joe to LB. You will both be great parents, I have no doubt about that. You and Joe are in our thoughts and prayers during this time of loss. The Lord gives us memories to hold dear ones close to our hearts and those memories can be shared with LB.
I enjoy reading your posts, they put a smile on my face and I relive my pregnancies through you (yes, even after all these years I still remember), it seems just like yesterday that Mike and Ryan where little........oh how I miss those days. I can't wait till the day I get to meet LB. Take care and let Joe know we are sorry for his love. Love to all of you. Chris