I had a prenatal massage and let me just say, please, may I have some more? I think Joe needs to learn to massage just my head and hands like that because that was really my favorite part. Also, I felt pretty haughty when she said my forearms were really muscular.
"What kind of weight work do you do?"
"I lift a 30 lb toddler."
Anyhow.
My masseur and I were chatting (that's more relaxing for me) and she has 9 children. NINE! I was lying there thinking, "Nine pregnancies. Nine labors. Nine pregnancies... equals how many years of being pregnant?!" (I made myself stop before I started doing the math because math is not relaxing. I did it later. The answer is 7 years.) This, in turn, made me start thinking about my own impending labor and delivery.
Now that I've done it once, I'm not nearly as anxious as I was before. I know every labor is different, but I at least have an idea of what awaits, so that's comforting. I'm even daring to dream that this kiddo won't impede his arrival with hands up on his head. I have more confidence in my body and I understand my own ability to cope with the pain. Plus, now I know that when I am in labor, I have no shame, only angry internal monologues. It makes me chuckle a bit when I think about the amount of swearing and rage I had going on in my head during my labor, while I said barely a word out loud the whole time. I think I mentally cursed every person in that room except for one nurse and Joe.
Honestly, the whole experience is a little hazy. I just have memories of being really annoyed at several nurses. First, I was annoyed because I felt like no one was taking me seriously the first hour I was there and no one came to check on my progress. Then I was annoyed that I had vomited and that the room I was in had nowhere reasonable for that to happen so I'd had to make do with a bin Joe found on a shelf or something. (PS to anyone reading this who has not had a baby- you might vomit! No one told me that one so I was taken completely by surprise. Apparently it's not uncommon.) I was further annoyed when the nurse who placed my IV did a crappy job and it hurt the whole frickin' time. I was really annoyed when they kept talking about me like I wasn't right there. ("See if you can get her to drink with a straw." "She's not using pain medication!" "REALLY?!" "Try to get her to drink again.") Then came the oxygen mask, which I felt no need for and was really uncomfortable. Stupid mask. I kept taking it off and they kept telling Joe to put it back on, like maybe then I would forget I didn't want to wear it. The icing on the cake of annoyance was when my doctor told me to open my eyes and look at her. I still don't know why she did this but it completely broke my safe trance and made me realize I'd been pushing for over an hour and thoughts like WHY and I CAN'T came flooding in and I just panicked in general for a bit. I pulled it together after that and all was well, but I could have done without it.
The moment Z was born was the greatest relief I have ever felt and it seriously made me feel like, pft, to all that work because I was so happy to meet him and so tired. So, while I am not really looking forward to experiencing labor again, I have a better sense of that light at the end of the tunnel this time around. Instead of the vague visualization I used during my first labor, I have a sharper picture to focus on this time around. I'm really looking forward to holding this little one, feeling that soft new baby skin and seeing his sweet face for the first time. He's worth every pain, every month of sickness, every sleepless night, every ache, everything.
PS- My two cents. Don't compare labor. Everyone is so different and I have people tell me all the time they think I'm amazing (or I'm crazy) for having no pain medication. I'm not amazing. I am possibly crazy. I am definitely afraid of epidurals (Seriously. Not in a Ricki Lake way, in an ah! needle in my spine!! way). But, understand, my labor was only 5 hours long from the moment I thought, "Oh, crap" to the moment my boy was born. I have no idea how I would have handled something longer. The spine needle might have started to sound pretty good if those shenanigans had dragged on.
This obsession with comparing labor and birth and worrying about how you give birth is just silly to me. There should be one criteria- healthy baby and healthy mama. The rest is just preference and safety measures. So write those "birth plans" in pencil and spend your time worrying about other things like... I don't know... why Starburst jellybeans aren't sold year round.
And don't forget to pack extra socks in your hospital bag. I did. Oops. Wore the same pair for three days. Gross.
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