This is another of those "full disclosure" posts that I didn't really want to share, like my breastfeeding "failure" one. But, I feel like I should because maybe it will help one of my mom friends. Plus, I'm ashamed of myself for being ashamed of sharing this because it just shows me how prideful and silly I am, and how much I allow myself to get caught up in the idea of what is "normal" or "successful." I'm thankful to have been humbled, yet again.
Z's daycare does "progress reports" every 6 months. The first progress report we got from them made us laugh mostly because it said that Z had overcome his fear of art and sensory, which seemed like the most hilarious sentence we had ever read. It commented on him not talking, but that was nothing new to us. I got a little anxiety from it because I want to see him get a "10" or whatever in every box, but, realistically, that's a silly expectation. Kids are all different.
This time his teacher wrote us a note saying that Z wasn't meeting all of his developmental milestones and that if we were seeing the same at home that we should let them know because there "are resources that we can reach out to if needed." My initial reaction was panic. Then confusion. Then annoyance. Panic because all anyone wants is for their kid to be healthy and normal, which to me, this was saying Z is not. Confusion because I didn't understand what she was trying to say she thought might be wrong with him, which I mentioned to her when I discussed this with her later. If you're going to make a comment like that to a parent, maybe give a little more detail to avoid the aforementioned panic and confusion. Then there was annoyance because if they have been seeing behavior from him for the past 6 months that wasn't on par with the other kids or something they considered worrisome, why wait until now to say something to us? Shouldn't they mention something as soon as they feel there is an issue so that we can be aware and work on it at home? Take him to see his doctor if needed? That still bugs me.
All weekend I just kept thinking, resources for what? Speech? Learning delays? Something else? Does she think he's autistic? Is he? I've always thought he was a little different in that he gets so focused and interested in things. I never thought it was bad, just different. That maybe he was going to be one of those quirky geniuses when he got older who is good at one life aspect and a little weird at others, which I think is great. Just part of what makes the world colorful. But the thought that no, maybe this is something negative, maybe there is something broken that we will have to fight through, or something that is going to make his life harder, make him unable to relate to other kids, etc. terrified me. Speech delays and potential speech therapy (which I had been feeling pretty confident we might avoid) wasn't something that frightened me because I know plenty of kids have speech therapy when they are young. But autism? or a learning disability? I was scared.
It's times like this that I'm really thankful for my parents and for my in-laws. My parents have been really reassuring, which has been very helpful while I've fretted my way through this*. My in-laws I've not talked to about this, but I'm thankful because I know through their life example of raising my sister-in-law that they would not for a second believe that if Z was diagnosed with a disability, that he could not live a wonderful and full life. They have never let their daughter's Down Syndrome stand in her way and as a result her life has been so special and full of joy. Yes, there are challenges, but all of their "normal" sons have provided plenty of those as well. It gave me some peace to know how much family support we would have should Z (or Bebo) face any challenges of this nature.
I'd gotten the "progress report" on Friday when I picked Z up, fretted all weekend and then talked to his teacher on the following Monday when I picked him up. I asked her to explain what she meant by her comments and she explained that the daycare works with the state to offer speech therapy and "lots" of his classmates were going to be receiving intervention. She also said that she thinks he indulges in "unusual" movements, like doing down dog, going backwards up the slide, and backing up to sit in their laps. This was the moment that I snapped in my brain. Down dog? You mean, like he sees his parents doing regularly? Going backwards up the slide? I thought we all did that at some point? But this was the kicker: backing up to sit in their laps? What? I asked if that was a worrisome sign of something and she said, "it's just not how the other kids do it."
Thank you, dear teacher, for phrasing it like that because that was what I needed to get a grip. Not how the other kids do it? So what? Why does he need to be like the other kids? Backing up to sit in someone's lap seems smart to me, so isn't that a good thing? To me, that shows problem solving.
This is who he is, who he has been since he was born. Always testing things, trying different options, looking at them upside down, sideways and right side up. That's my son. Do I want him to be like other kids or do I want him to be like himself and be happy? And, that's the thing, he is happy. He's a really jolly, sweet, smiley little guy who loves to interact with people and things, discover new games and items, and read every book he finds.
In my heart, I don't think Z has any serious issues. I think he's just himself and I think he will catch up language-wise this year, like a lot of kids do. I will see what his pediatrician says next week at his 2 year appointment and we will make decisions based on that. I do think there is a chance he might get recommended for speech assessment, and that's fine, but I declined any intervention from his daycare, especially since he will only be there for another two months. I have been wondering if his tongue tie might have reattached and I want that to get checked out. But all in all, I'm not scared anymore. I'm thankful for my son, just as he is, because he fills my heart with joy and love.
*I need to note that Joe was like a calm, confident rock this entire time. He had and has every confidence that our son's unique quirks and personality make him special and perfect. That is why he is a great father. Dave and Vanessa, you should be very proud of your son.
Also, my friend Katie once again swooped in like my mom in shining armor to assure me that a delay or even disability would not mean my son wouldn't be a happy, healthy, perfect human being. I needed to hear that.
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