Hi Bebo

I've decided that for the time being I'm going to call the new baby.... drum roll please.... Bebo. It just seems like a good nickname for a fetus.

I had my first doctor's appointment this week during which we established that I am indeed pregnant and that I really like my new OB thus far. Right now my due date is May 5 based on my last period, but I'm pretty sure that it's going to be moved later once we have our first ultrasound. That's just what I'm guessing. Stay tuned to see if I'm right!

Anyhow, the appointment really helped me feel like little Bebo is real and this is really happening. For some reason I'm having a harder time feeling enthusiastic this time around. I don't know if it's just the challenge of feeling completely exhausted while caring for Z or if it's because of certain anxieties I have about the this second time around, like our living situation and breastfeeding.

To be honest, I am extremely anxious about breastfeeding since it was so terrible last time. I really want to try again and I really want it to work this time. I feel like I'm in a better position to have success because I can reflect on some of the issues that I had last time and be prepared, but I'm still nervous. And when I get nervous, I make lists. I've already made a "birth plan" and I'm not even two months along. I already have a list of things I want to talk to my provider about like getting this baby checked for tongue tie ASAP. Thus, the pregnancy anxiety begins.

I also worry about what we should do about our living situation. We've been going back and forth about whether or not we want to stay in the same place for another year or try to buy a house. Which, of course, then makes me worry about being massively pregnant and house hunting, packing, moving, etc. But, if we decide to stay where we are then I worry about having a two bedroom place with two kids. (Then I kick myself and remind myself that people all over the world would think where we live is huge and glorious.) If anyone has tips about when to start rooming a toddler and baby together, lay them on me.

So. This is my current state of mind. Bebo is still just a tiny little bundle that I can barely believe exists. I can't wait for my next appointment where we will get to hear Bebo's heartbeat!